It's just the beginning

Today has been really hard. I look at my house and my kids and I feel like my world is spinning out of control. If I could have, I would have stayed in bed all day. I knew that there were going to be hard days, its to be expected, but I didn't realize it would be like a smack in the face. Nothing I do is right for anybody. I have "friends" who say they are here for me but they never call or answer when I call them. I know that I have my kids so Im not alone, but Im tired of people telling me that. There is only so many days you can go where your only conversation is getting after a 4 year old to clean her room. I need adult conversation. And honestly I think I need to have a vacation. Just get away from it all. But, unfortunately I can't. I have no one to watch the kids, the dog, cat and fish. So tonight will just be like any other, me and my memories of a man who can't love me.